Top 5 child behaviour problems: how to deal with the individual discipline issues of your child
1) My child lacks respect!
o First of all, be a good role model to your child. If they are cheeking you, don't immediately shout back in fury, but calmly react by telling him you do not appreciate being spoken to in this way.
o Secondly build respect into your household rules: Using ‘please' and ‘thank you' can be a house rule which even a three year-old could obey, with a little encouragement.
o Thirdly, write out a ‘behaviour contract', and get your child to sign it. In this ‘contract', detail the three worse points of their behaviour you would like to see changed (no cussing, remembering p's and q's etc), let them see how seriously you are taking this and get them to agree on consequences (such as loss of privileges) which will happen if they display a lack of respect. Hang it on their bedroom door and refer to it regularly.
o Finally, don't let it go. If you hear your child quietly cussing under their breath, pull them up on it: ask for an apology or the agreed consequence. If you're out and about likewise. If you back down now for the sake of an easy life, they'll expect you to back down next time.
2) My child whines!
o Stop it before it starts. Have established mealtimes and nutritious snacks so your child doesn't get too hungry. Stick to reasonable bedtimes - especially on school nights - and try not to attempt stressful outings like a trip to the supermarket when you know they will be getting tired.
o Diet and behaviour. Even lots of glasses of pure fruit juice can give your kids a sugar high, so pay attention to what your child is eating when you're looking at times they whinge and whine.
o Avoid the big ‘NO!' If your child whines every time you have to leave the park, offer them choices about when they leave and where you'll be going on to. Offering compromises and incentives is a great way to help your child learn useful negotiation skills.
o If the whining won't stop, warn calmly that you won't be able to help him until they can talk to you in a proper tone of voice.
o If the whining carries on, have ‘no whining' as one of your house rules, and choose the appropriate consequence for this.
3) My child backchats!
o Be a good role model to your child. If you ask them to pick up his socks by saying ‘oh yeah, because the sock fairy's gonna come and do it, right?', then you are telling them it's OK to be sarcastic and cheeky. If you're rude to the shop assistant in front of your child, your child will think rudeness is acceptable in some situations.
o Let him know exactly what behaviour you don't like and give him examples of the kind of backchat and disrespectful behaviour you want to change.
o Don't fight fire with fire: if you're telling your child off for lack of respect make sure you too use a well-mannered tone when you speak to them.
o Tell her how you'd rather be spoken to. If they're backchatting you because they're frustrated with you, say ‘I can see you're frustrated with me, but I don't like it when you're rude to me like that. Instead can you explain directly why you're cross with me?'
4) My child has temper tantrums!
o Find the triggers. There are particular issues with each child which will remain at the root of a temper tantrum: they don't like to share, they get frustrated when they don't win, they lose their temper near bedtime or they can't go right up to lunch without a snack.
o Ignore the little outbursts. Most bad behaviour is to get attention, and fuelling the tantrum with attention will just make the whole thing last longer.
o Stay calm and be reassuring. If you get cross and scream and shout, your already-emotional child will feed off this anger and get upset as well as cross. If you're really furious it's safe to do so, take a brief time out yourself before you deal with the tantrum in a way which will develop their self-esteem.
o Distract them. Sing a silly tune, take away the toy they can't share, move them to a different room, go outside with them, anything to shake off the moment's bad behaviour. Once your child has recovered, forget about it and carry on with your day.
o Over 3's can have time out. If your child tantrums regularly, use time out tactics to help curb this behaviour: one minute for every year of their age on the naughty step in a calm spot in the house should do the trick.
5) My child lies!
o Calmly catch them at it. If you know what your child is saying is a lie, gently let them know you know without demanding that they confess to being dishonest.
o Fear of punishment. Most kids lie because they've made a mistake and want to cover up. Statements like ‘I know you did it' or ‘how did this happen?!' will just make matters worse in these situations. Instead, if you know she's guilty, say ‘I see the DVD's scratched. Did you want to tell me what we're going to do about it?' so you can talk it through together.
o Don't let your child off the hook just because they tells the truth, but equally show you think they did the right thing by owning up to you. Afterwards praise them for telling you the truth eventually and mention you hope they'll do the same in the future.
o Give your child a gentle warning, and an opening to tell you the truth. Sometimes kids get caught up in their own lies, and find it difficult to backtrack. Don't say ‘you told me you'd done your homework!' but ‘can you show me your homework when it's done, please?'